How Is Your Love Growing?
Greg here. I’ve killed a lot of plants in my life. I’m always so excited when I bring one home. It looks so healthy and beautiful as it adds so much cheer and warmth to my house. Even though it’s one more thing to take care of, I love it. It’s always a little tricky to find the right place to put it. It needs the right amount of sun, It can’t be too hot or cold, and it needs to be where I see it to remember to water it and fertilize it.
The plant and I usually do great for at least a couple of months. It usually makes it until my life gets too busy, crazy, or I’m traveling a lot. It’s funny how if it doesn’t get watered for 5 or 10 days it goes past the point of no return and nothing I can do can save it. So sad. Sometimes I’ve been really attached to the plant if I’ve had it for a while.
I’ve also killed a couple of amazing loving relationships in my life. I’ve found that Love is a beautiful living breathing entity or energy that given the right conditions two people magically create together. The Love energy brings joy, excitement, fun, and wholeness to the relationship and each person, especially when it’s new (less than 18 to 24 months old).
Unfortunately, the Love energy in several of my most precious relationships followed the same life cycle as one of my plants that didn’t make it. I now see how I failed to water it enough with quality time, I drowned it with too much water as I was over giving to get, I didn’t give it enough fertilizer to support the future vision for it to grow, or I didn’t give it enough sun and attention by making it a priority to keep it healthy, happy, alive, and growing. That’s how my marriage ended. If I only knew then what I know now I could have saved it.
If your Love energy or relationship is fading and you want to bring it back to life, or you want to grow your loving relationship to a level you never thought possible, there is hope. Lena and I would love to help you reinvigorate and grow the love you want. We’ll help you figure out what nurturing and care is warranted and how to put it in action.
You deserve a relationship you love. Sign up for your first 30-minute free coaching call. This is a confidential call with Lena or me where together we will help you sort through all the thoughts and feelings swirling around in your head, so you can get clear about what's really going on in your relationships and life.
Lena and Greg
What is LOVE?
If there is one thing in life that is anything but simple, it's love. That's why there are so many relationships that end early and couples that wind up divorced. Movies and fairytales make the entire experience look so easy, but it's anything but.
In search for the best definition of love, we came across following quote from Julia Roberts, which defines love so elegantly: “You know it’s love when all you want is that person to be happy, even if you’re not part of their happiness.”
Love is one of the most profound emotions we experience as humans. Not only does it affect our happiness and joy, it also has a direct impact on our physical health in terms of dis-ease and life expectancy. The notion of love is actually quite complex. Commenting that we love pancakes has a very different connotation when we utter “I love you” for the first time. Because love takes on different forms, we can each experience love in our own way, which is why defining the term ‘love’ is so complicated. Even though love is unique for each of us, it is something we all want more of.
If you look back to Ancient Greek texts, you’ll find that they didn’t have one way to describe love like we do today—they had anywhere from three to seven, depending on who you ask. To help get a better understanding for how different types of love work, let’s explore the seven types of love defined by the Ancient Greeks:
- Eros - Named after Eros, the god of sexual attraction, fertility and procreation, this kind of love is governed by sexual passion and desire. As tantalizing as it is, ancient Greeks understood the nature of eros as a fire that burns out quickly, and that sustaining it over time required coupling it with another kind of love.
- Philia - This is the love we experience with our friends, an affectionate love without physical attraction. It’s the loyalty and appreciation we feel for each other because of what we’ve experienced together.
- Storge - The special bond of kinship we feel with our family is known as storge. It’s the organic form of affection parents feel for their children and vice versa. It’s also used to describe the sense of kinship childhood friends experience when they come back together as adults and reminisce
- Ludus - While it contains some eros, ludus is the playful, teasing kind of love usually experienced between young lovers. Ludus is often accompanied by the traditional sensations of a fluttering heart and sense of euphoria.
- Mania - When love turns to obsession, it becomes mania. This obsessive kind of love was thought to occur when there was an imbalance between eros and ludus. We’ve all seen mania played out in countless Hollywood stalker films.
- Pragma - Symbolized by aged love or love that has matured over time, pragma transcends the physical. It’s the kind of love experienced by spouses who have been married for many decades where so much no longer needs said because it’s simply understood by both parties, as they really have become part of each other. It’s the sense of feeling comfort, protection and peace in the other’s presence without doing anything specific or even speaking.
- Philautia - To care for others properly, we have to know how to care for ourselves first. The Greeks understood this, which is why they called self-love, philautia.
- Agape - The highest form of love and spiritual in nature, agape is described as unconditional selfless love. This is the all-encompassing love we feel when we contemplate spiritual things or meditate. This is the love that is independent of changing conditions or expectations and is steeped in forgiveness and working toward higher principles and the greater good.
Though there are many different kinds of love to experience, the romantic, deeply connected, caring, and affectionate (Eros, Philia, Ludus, and Pragma) expressions of love are what, on some level, we’re all seeking. The reason being that the majority of us find fulfillment through the comfort of a deeply committed and romantic relationship. In fact, 88% of Americans cite love as being the top reason they choose to get married, so it’s easy to acknowledge that the idea of love plays a pretty big role in all of our lives.
Have you defined what love looks like for you, have you and your partner shared your definitions of love, or have you and your partner shared your love language? These are great ways to define your answer to, "What is Love?"
Lena & Greg
Would You Rather Be Happy or Right?
"Would You Rather Be Happy or Right?" What a powerful question. It seems like these days being right is a far greater goal than our own happiness and well being.
What? Be Happy or Right? I can’t have both you might ask. Well, it depends. You can be right without needing to be right. In that case, happy and right can peacefully coexist. Or you can have a deep-seated need to be right. In this case, the subconscious need to be right will get in the way of your prolonged happiness.
Signs of “needing to be right”:
- Acting offended, outraged
- Applying semantics to your arguments
- Being overly critical
- Acting condescending
- Being addicted to accuracy
You see the need to be right stems from a belief that you are not good enough or ok or acceptable “as is.” It is one of the many ways that low self-esteem asserts itself. It is a protection device. And like many protection devices, it comes at a high cost. The cost of being right is often unhappiness and alienation.
The truth of the matter is that you are enough. And the only person who can give you the love, acceptance and appreciation that you seek is YOU.
Once you are willing to love yourself, then you begin to stop looking outside of you for approval and acceptance. You can choose to be happy simply being you. You are worthy. You are deserving. You are enough. Yes, you are!
Ways to stop "needing to be right":
- Notice the habit of needing to be right
- Learn new responses like:
“I understand what you’re saying.”
“That’s a perspective I hadn’t considered.”
Or just listen and nod.
- Accept that there are a lot of people with a lot of opinions that you'll never be able to change.
- Prioritize happiness, kindness and compassion over feeling "right."
- Look for an opportunity to change your opinion.
- Acknowledge that changing your opinion, or allowing someone else to prove you wrong, doesn't make you any less you.
- Love, Accept and Value Yourself!!!
Giving up the need to be right does not mean what you observe isn’t accurate. You just give up your interpretation, because that’s where the attachment is to being right.
Lena & Greg
Accepting others as they are without judging or changing them
Wouldn’t life be wonderful if everyone just behaved exactly like we wanted them to? Our friends, co-workers, partners and family just did exactly what we told them to and behaved exactly how we expected them to?
In dealing with others’ actions, we have 3 options:
1. Cut them out of our life.
2. Be frustrated.
3. Accept them for who they are and embrace it.
Option #3 is where we stand to grow. With a simple choice we can add tremendous value to ourselves as well as the world around us. We can also create deeper connection, trust and love in our relationships, especially with our partner. Think of how much simpler and more enjoyable your life would be if you let these little things roll off your back.
Ways to accept others:
- Watch your thoughts.
- Look for the positive
- Stop labeling my way as “right.”
- Stop judging yourself
- Focus on the now and stop comparing with the past
- Reverse the situation. How would I feel to be judged?
- Be kind, you never know what the other person is going through
Instead of leaning away, lean into your relationships by making a choice to be more accepting of others (and yourself) while putting the 7 action steps to work in your life. We'd love to hear about what opens up for you when you do.
Lena & Greg
What you don’t conceive or believe, you can’t achieve
"Whatever The Mind Can Conceive And Believe, The Mind Can Achieve" ~ Napoleon Hill
If Napoleon Hill is correct, this also means that what you don’t conceive or believe, you can’t achieve.
As relationship coaches our clients want to live “happily ever after” and we help our clients achieve their dreams. This is cool, but there are big limits to the “dream”
- You might have a desire (“love”) but not a clear idea or dream or vision for what it looks like, so you’re stuck with “what is“
- You might have a clear dream, but don’t believe it’s possible or realistic, so you’re stuck with what you’ll allow yourself to have
- Your dream is limited to what you can conceive or envision, so you’re stuck with a narrow range of possibilities
However, a good coach will help their client to dream big and reach deep down to uncover and envision dreams they didn’t know they had. So there’s a “next level” to this dream stuff.
Lena & Greg
Could you use some one-on-one support?
We're here for you. Schedule a free 30 minutes call with us today.
This is a confidential call with Lena or Greg where together we will help you sort through all the thoughts and feelings swirling around in your head, so you can get clear about what's really going on in your relationships.